March 24, 2010 nahari71

Today my home life ran over into my work life. There are days that this occurs for everyone. This is the second worse day on the calendar for me. Today is my brother’s birthday, he passed away 6 years ago after a tragic car accident.  The date of his death is the first worst day.

I cried this morning as I post my comments on Facebook. I cried because I miss him and that he is gone when I should be remembering all that he gave me . How he touch my life and those around me.

He wasn’t perfect. He was a smart kid. Grew into a decent bill collector. As kids we were born 3 years apart, he being the younger. So we not only grew up together , went to school together  all the way through college, we worked together and after my parents retired, we lived together. His passing was like me loosing my twin. He definitely was a pain in my side some days. Like when one summer day I asked him to cut my grass for me.  He got up at 5 am and cut the grass. He had strapped a flashlight to the lawn mower so he could see.  Ever wake up to a lawn mover and think “What idiot is cutting grass at 5 am?” Ya that racket was coming from my yard.

He had such a sense of humor. I recall one time this guy was going to kick his butt for whatever reason. The guy was yelling at my brother, “I’m gonna break your legs, and your arms and then I am gonna crack your head open!” My brother just looked at him and said in his best “Sling Blade” voice “Better call me an ambulance.  mm mm” I couldn’t help but laugh. The guy was so mad he was shaking but just walked away.

He also had a heart of gold. I can’t recall how many times he came over to change my tire, fixed my car, watch my son while I worked or picked me up from the bar. Life with him was always funny.  If you were crying and upset he would find a way to make you laugh.

The last time I saw him he threw me his bears jersey, told me if I miss him to wear his Bears jersey because it made him feel sexy. The running gag was it was too short and his belly hung out the bottom. His desk at work was cover with pictures of his daughter, Chicago Bears logos and  Kinko’s offices supplies that he had “borrowed”.

I miss him so much it hurts.

He has this beautiful daughter, that is so special to me. I don’t get to talk to her much because I can’t seem to hold it together when I talk to her. I get all weepy and it makes me feel guilty. Life is hard enough when your 16, to have some Aunt you barely know crying and balling all over you. I hope she knows how much I love her. My boyfriend told me that she is hurting  just as much as I am since we both lost someone dear to us, I should give her the chance to say “Hey, this is too much for me.” I am hoping with this post I will be brave enough to do that.

Today all those I got on the phone, got a break. I was sympathetic to their story.  The got me at my moment of weakness.

Mark you were gone to soon.

Mark and the boy wonder


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